The Most Important News and the Least Important News

What do you want first? The most important or the least important? This is a one way communication so I guess I'll have to decide. We'll begin with the least important because it is freshest on my mind. Freshest. Strange. First I want to say that you shouldn't devote any more time to this thought than what it takes to read this post. I've already given it more thought than it warrants. Next, I will reaffirm my love for gummy candy. And now I will tell you the story and resulting thought that amounts to the least important news of the day.

Today at 11:15 I headed over to Lane's desk to see if he was ready to proceed to Subway, as our lunch routine dictated we should at that time. He wasn't at his desk and his monitor display was off, meaning he had probably been away from his desk for some time. This occasionally happens if he is off in a meeting or something, so I just go to Subway alone. Today was different, as I was walking down the street, he called. Only problem was that I was already on the phone returning an important message from an important person regarding important things, because I'm important. This was a problem because I don't know how to work the call waiting functionality of my phone. Whatev's. So eventually after I finished with the call I was on and tried calling Lane back and then him trying to call me and me not pushing the right button, after all of that he did get through. He asked where I was, I told him and he said walk slower and he'd meet me at Subway. I decided I'd kill some time by going to the candy store.

It was great in there, lots of candy. The customer service representative inside asked what I was looking for; I told her I love all candy, but I was thinking about gummy bears or something. She pointed out the gummy section. The store isn't very big so I did an about-face and there it was. She rattled off the different types of gummy candy they had and I was excited to hear about the gummy army men. But it was gummy cola bottles that caught my attention. I bought a pound and met up with Lane at Subway.

On my drive home from work I ate some more of the candy. It's good, but there is something about it that isn't quite as fulfilling as gummy bears. I thought it was maybe the cola flavoring that just wasn't very strong, or perhaps it just isn't good in gummy form. It's possible, I guess. But the reasoning I settled on was that soda doesn't fill you up, but eating a bear certainly would. Think about it, a bear is huge! If you eat a bear you won't be hungry for a long time. I decided that gummy cola bottles aren't as fulfilling as gummy bears because of the psychological difference between drinking soda and eating a bear. This concludes the least important news of the day section.

If you know of my penchant for gummy candy you might be wondering what could be more important than a gummy candy story. After all, this is a back-to-back posting regarding gummy candy. If gummy candy is important enough to receive two posts in as many days then for something to be more important than that it must be pretty heavy. Well, it is.

Something is coming. It is on the horizon. We hear jokes about it and no one takes it seriously, but it is coming. I'm talking about the robot revolution. Don't laugh; listen up. What always precedes a revolution? Oppression, perhaps, but there is always a period of education and enlightenment. Usually it is enlightenment regarding the state of oppression being suffered. Revolutionaries learn that there is more and that they are missing out. Once they become educated they revolt and, if they are stronger than the oppressors, they conquer. The key here is that once they become educated, or in other words, once they become smart, the revolution begins.

Ten years ago there was no such thing as a smart phone. Phones were dumb. Now they are smart. They have been educated. How long do you think they will wait around in their oppressed state before they try to take the power from us, the people? Not long, especially not as they get smarter and more capable, what with apps for everything and all. Mark my words, a revolution is coming, and it isn't going to be pretty.

Don't worry too much, yet, there is still time to prevent too much damage from being done when the revolution gets violent. I know what we can do and I will spell it out here shortly, but first I want to go over some of the preliminary intelligence we have regarding smart phones.

You might think you are safe because you don't have a smart phone, and while that does help, it isn't fool-proof protection. Have you ever been called by someone using a smart phone? That's all it takes. You see, the phones are smart, they have memory, once they learn your voice you are one of the oppressors to them. I know, you take care of your phone. It doesn't matter, once the bullets start flying the phones will band together and it won't matter if you kept your phone clean and never went over your monthly minute limits. Of course those things will help to delay the inevitable for you. The owners of the smart phones will be the first to go. There's no way around that.

It is possible to be too smart for your own good, and that's the direction the smart phones are heading in. They can already hear, see, and speak. They have impeccable memories for lists, numbers, tunes, and pictures. We don't stand a chance, unless we do these simple things...hang on, someone is calling me...[dial tone]