But Who Will Critique the Critics?

If you read only one of my blog posts during all of today, make this the one, it is critical. Everyday there are food critics who make a living on television shows. Some go to restaurants, some make the food in their own television-studio kitchens. I like these shows. They are entertaining, for sure, but the hosts are committing crimes against language. My favorite TV food folks are Adam Richman, Alton Brown, Guy Fieri and Giada De Laurentiis. I like their shows, but they are all guilty of these criminal colloquialisms.
I imagine it isn't easy to conduct a television program based on food reports. We aren't able to smell or taste the food for ourselves, as the audience, so the host assumes the responsibility of describing those sensations for us. Here lies the problem; there are only so many words to describe taste and smell. Delicious and scrumptious are nice, but they can't be used for every type of dish, nor can they really relate the particular flavor signatures. These TV personalities, in the interest of having something else to say, make up absurd adjectives, but it isn't even that they are absurd (I just wanted to use alliteration again), it's more that they are repetitious. Well, some are plain absurd, I give you "The meltiness of the cheese." The repetitious ones include "The nuttiness of the nuts," "The hotness of the jalapenos," and "The meatiness of the steak."
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, if you've ever watched any of those shows. I don't mean to harsh on these people, I like to watch the shows, but sometimes I just find the words they use laughable. I laugh at it. And sometimes it annoys me.
Perhaps there isn't any better way to describe potatoes than by saying "the starchiness," or salted meats than by saying "the saltiness," or lettuce than by saying"the crispness." Maybe it is just the crankiness of me.