Newest Social Networking Site: AmnesiaCapsule

People have been asking questions about the prudence of sharing your entire life over the Internet through social networking sites. For a while it seemed like it wasn't a good idea to be so careless with personal information and ridiculous pictures of yourself. Many have tried to take back control by deleting personal content or deactivating social networking accounts. You might be contemplating this option right now. Before you do, consider this message.
This is the story of Rudiger, a young man who was very much against social networking sites. He didn't want the world to know where he went to school, where he worked or when his birthday was. He didn't like the idea that random strangers across the globe could see pictures of him opening presents on his birthday, or see video of him playing Dance Dance Revolution. It wasn't important, he felt, to let everyone know what TV shows, products, and ideas (such as Not Being on Fire) that he liked or was a fan of. Rudiger was a private man and felt that these types of things were best shared in person with only close friends.
Rudiger never signed up with MySpace, and then the Facebook explosion happened and he sat through that without raising an eyebrow. Twitter came and went without so much as an acknowledging nod from Rudiger. Then, one Thursday afternoon, Rudiger was walking through the park and an errant baseball hit him in the head. When he awoke some hours later he had no recollection of who he was or what he liked to do. He didn't know who his friends were or if he even had any.
The doctors called for specialists and neurologists to help this man remember, but medical science couldn't help this time. As the doctors lamented over their failure to recover the young man's memory, a bright, 17-year-old volunteer from the local high school suggested finding the man's Facebook page. The doctors were astounded and demanded a laptop computer be brought to the man. Certainly they could find his social networking pages and then all of the important information would be readily available. Alas, poor Rudiger, in his stubborn desire to remain a private individual, hadn't any social networking affiliations. His affinity for meeting people with his exact name was lost. He no longer could remember which of his friends he associated with which Disney Princess. He wouldn't know when to adjust his clock for daylight savings because he didn't have an event reminder notification. It was lost. All of it was lost.
Don't let what happened to Rudiger happen to you. Sign up with as many social networking sites as you can. Fill in every box of information, accept every invitation. Play every game and add every application. These sites collectively serve as your amnesia capsule. In the event that you lose your memory, all you need to do is view these pages and you will remember exactly who you are. You will know that you like to take pictures of yourself in the mirror making kissy faces. Through the history of status updates you will know exactly what you were doing at certain points in time. You will know where you work, and quite possibly whether or not you like it. Most importantly, you will be connected with people you met once at a friend's house or someone you haven't spoken to in 15 years and they will be able to tell you all about yourself.
If you don't put all of this information into social networking sites, how will you ever recover from amnesia? Do it for yourself, but more importantly, do it for Rudiger.
[The preceding events were entirely make-believe and not founded in any sense of reality. Also, the views expressed therein do not accurately reflect the views of the author, this blog or any sensible human being. The words are intended to inspire thought and invoke laughter. You might call it satire, but you don't have to.]