I Embark on a Life of Weapons Manufacturing

Tell me if this isn't brilliant. Wait! I just remembered something else I was thinking about typing yesterday, so I will tell that story and then follow it up with what is brilliant, or what you will be the judge about whether it is brilliant or not.
Interjected story! Yesterday I was eating a sandwich with pickles and tomato and so forth. You know what? I don't think this story is going to work, I only remember bits of it, not the punch-line though. I was trying to remember when I was typing up that last post, and then once I started this one I remembered part of it so I thought I had it. Now as I try to type it out I realize that the serial-position curve is rearing its ugly head. Thanks to the primacy effect I remember the beginning to the story. The recency (relatively speaking) effect helps me remember the end of the story, but I don't know what's going on in the middle, which is what makes it meaningful. It was something about how useful I find paper towels to be. We don't have any right now and I spilled some stuff on the chair in the kitchen. I reached for the next best thing, a pot-holder, and soaked up the spilled liquid. I think the purpose of the story was that while paper towels are helpful around the house, they can be substituted. Pot-holders might not be the typical substitute, but it worked for me. After I did that I thought that perhaps toilet paper would have been a better substitute. Then I thought of how paper towels are easily replaced, but toilet paper not as easily replaced. I usually stay away from these topics in public conversation, it doesn't seem proper. However, in this case the possibility of humor wins out. I think that was the story, it was probably just more lavish when I thought it up yesterday. This commentary is falling apart faster than the store-brand paper towels in the Bounty commercials after they put a bowling ball on them and drag them across a Kool-Aid soaked carpet.
Hey! Remember when I mentioned a brilliant idea? Here it is. Rifle grenades are grenades fired from a rifle. That's not the brilliant part, though it is brilliant in its own right. You see, you take a grenade and affix it to the end of a rifle, then it launches the grenade, I don't know the mechanics, I suppose there is some special blank-type round that is used, otherwise the bullet would shoot through the grenade and you'd have a big mess on your hands, though you might not have any hands. However it works, I know you attach a grenade on the barrel of a rifle and it launches the grenade further than you could throw it. Here's my idea, take a simple firecracker and jam it in the barrel of a BB gun. Pump that sucker up and light the fuse then BAM! You launch the firecracker high in the air and it pops. Its a low (very low) explosive grenade. If it works you could get a firecracker a lot further away than if you didn't have the rifle. I don't know if air would be able to launch the firecracker sufficiently. You'd have to have a lot of air pressure and a tight seal around the firecracker. Perhaps a better process would be to fire a BB. The BB would propel the firecracker. Perhaps the BB would even lodge itself in the firecracker and both would be launched. Upon explosion the BB would be shot off again, sort of like a fragmentation grenade. I haven't tried this at home yet, so I don't know. The dangers I foresee are that the BB splits the firecracker at the end of the barrel and causes it to pop before it leaves the barrel. Or, the firecracker stops the BB and just pops in the barrel. I don't think that it would damage the rifle, but it is possible that it would. The third danger I see is that the BB lodges in the firecracker as hoped for, but when it fragments in the air, the BB comes shooting back at you at a moderate speed and might leave a small red mark on your forehead.

Another Battle with the Printer...or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Scholarship

A few mornings ago I found out I was eligible for a scholarship from the university. I received an e-mail that said something about a financial aid update. I clicked the link and under the scholarship/grant section it said I was awarded a $500 scholarship. Why? Who knows? I never applied for anything, but I'm not going to let that stop me from taking it. This is my last semester, there is probably some system they have set up for graduating students that meet certain requirements. Or it is a big mistake. I'm not concerned either way. There was an "accept offer" link next to the award statement. As if there is any question about whether or not I will accept their $500 of free money. It wasn't as easy as just clicking the link though; the link brought me to instructions about writing a letter of thanks. This instruction list gives about a dozen points of instruction on writing a letter of thanks. Several lines of what to include, and a few more of what not to include. A small manual of how to write the letter of thanks, but nothing specific about the second part of the process, which was to include a picture of myself. I typed the letter and printed that in a few minutes. I supposed the letter and picture would be sent to an elderly couple in the community who donate to whatever fund this scholarship was coming from. Even though I'm making light of this situation, I really do appreciate those who are contributing to efforts such as these to take some of the financial sting away from the students. It is a very nice thing they are doing. That being said, I needed a photo to include with the letter. I didn't want to just give them a photo of me wearing a tie and standing against a blank wall with a half-smile. Half-smiles are all I ever give anyone, but that's not the point, nor is it the truth. Forget about it.
On with the story. I don't have any pictures of myself. I live in the digital world. I do have a photo printer though, so I guess it's all the same. Having a photo printer today is like my parents having photographs when they were kids, just as they had a huge cathode-ray tube television and I have a cell phone that can stream video. Its all the same. I went to my "photo album" (facebook) to select a good picture of myself, something with a little more personality than what I expect they always get. Remember, there weren't any photo instructions on the web page, so I'm left to my own devices. I searched the pictures: me with a rifle? no. me playing guitar on stage? no. me with green hair? nah. I'm proud to say that I don't have any pictures of me making a kissy face in the mirror while taking the picture myself. I might be the only person on facebook under the age of 30 who doesn't have such a photo. I settled on a picture of me with a pumpkin I carved a few years ago. I did that partial carving trick where you don't cut all the way through, you know what I'm saying? I carved out some leaves. I thought it was pretty stellar.
So I put the photo paper in the printer and press print. Of course it doesn't work. If you know me and have seen my story on facebook about a previous experience with my printer and printing photos, you'll know this means something. One of these days I'll have to format that group of pictures into a slide show and post it on here. For now you will have to take my word that my printer doesn't always work when I want it to and it frustrates me more than is decent. The photo paper jammed on the first attempt, at least that's what the computer told me. The paper didn't even move in the tray. After "clearing" the jam, the printer was unresponsive. I pushed a bunch of buttons and resent the print job and finally had to unplug the printer and let it reset itself. I will admit, at some point in this process I thought "this isn't worth the $500." I almost believed it, but after thinking that, everything fell into perspective. Happily, after unplugging the printer it was able to complete the job and I had my picture of me with the pumpkin.
The letter and picture were to be dropped off at the financial aid office, so I planned to do that before class. I ran into Ben and we talked for too long and I had to wait until after class. I went after class and decided to ask about the photo before I busted that out. In my mind it was a good idea to give them a non-traditional photo, or what I thought would fall under that classification. I pictured the moment when I hand over the letter and a picture of me with a pumpkin and the receptionist just looking at me like I was that melting Gestapo guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark. It probably wouldn't have been that bad, but it would have seemed that way to me. When I handed over the letter I asked if there were any specifications on the photo, and mentioned that the website hadn't offered any. She said "yes, there are, I'll just take a picture of you." This was after I introduced myself and said that I had an e-mail telling me about a scholarship I was eligible for, but that I never requested. I asked if it was "legit" and she said "yeah." I was directed to a blank portion of the wall and instructed to stand there. She took the picture of me while I half-smiled with my silver tie.

Squirrel vs. Crow and Vincent Van Gogh

Today I saw a friend on campus and stopped to talk. While we were standing there chatting I saw a crow land on a car and a squirrel run under it. Then the squirrel ran away and the crow flew after it. A week or so ago I saw from my window the same interaction. A crow dove at a squirrel who ran away and then the crow flew in front of the squirrel and cut him off. I'll give them names to aid in my story. The crow is William and the squirrel is Reggie. So William cuts off Reggie's retreat. Now the two are face to face in the grass. They charged each other, honestly. William flying and Reggie running, right at each other, and then collision! Unfortunately they scampered off behind a tree and out of my field of vision. That was then. Back to today, another squirrel and crow fighting and chasing, just across the street from where I saw William and Reggie. I have no alternative other than to believe that the actors today were the same William and Reggie. I was talking to my friend and saw the interaction at the car so I stopped talking and started walking so I could get a better view. All I was able to watch was William flying above Reggie as he ran across the street and they bounced around a bit then Reggie ran up a tree and I lost sight again. It was an amazing sight.
I once had a similar experience with a crow. The location was Ft. Hood, TX. Between my barracks and the shopette was the Battalion HQ. A sidewalk brought me from the parking lot, past the HQ, and to the street. I cross the street and there is the shopette. The HQ was a long building, not very deep, but wide. That building stands on the right, when walking to the shopette, of the sidewalk. There was a huge tree on the left. On top of the building was a large antenna for radio comms. It was from the perch of the antenna that the crow would attack. And attack he did. I was swooped several times in one week while walking over to the shopette. I'd just be walking and then I could hear the woosh of the huge bird's wings and then his feathers graze my head. I duck and cover my head with my arms like I was in legitimate danger, and look like an idiot. I know that's how I looked because one day I saw this bird attack someone else, and he looked like an idiot. Anyway, several times this happened. I assumed the bird lived in the tree and was mad about all the soldiers walking by. So it took to the skies and maintained air superiority over us. I told my friends and we laughed about it. One day Simms comes in and says he killed the bird. I never believed him, but I never saw the bird again, either. I always thought he thought I was imagining the bird and he told me he killed it just so I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I'll never know. This is one time I should probably read this over again and see if it makes sense, but I refuse to do that.
What about van Gogh in the title? I opened my text book to do an assignment and there is van Gogh's self portrait painting. The chapter is on mood disorders and suicide.
P.S. Barney Frank is a weird dude. I don't trust him as far as that crazy crow could throw him.

Mulderization

Have I mentioned yet that my new goal is to watch every episode of the X-Files by the end of the semester, July 23? Well, that is my goal. I think it is a valiant goal for a final college semester. As I progress in the accomplishment of this goal, as you might imagine, I am picking up the lingo of the X-Files and the mindset of a skeptical FBI agent mixed with one who just wants to believe. With this deluge of Mulder and Scully in my life, I find myself wanting to believe also. Only not in UFO's and extra terrestrials. In other things. Things I won't be descriptive about, because it is fun to create suspense. I will tell you that one of these things led to the coining of this term while I discussed a matter with Muffin Man, the term is Mulderization. The definition is as follows: Mulderization - (subjunctive) skewing the facts in your life (not the facts of your life, that's a TV show) to meet your hopes because you want to believe in something so badly. [other forms: Mulderize, Mulderized, to Mulder]
I admire Fox Mulder as a calm operator, but one who can get riled up when necessary. He always has a witty observation or retort. I wanted to type response, but that seemed too bland, so I used retort. I'm falling into the trap of writing beyond my speaking. Whatever that means. Mulder has some great lines, and though he is only make-believe, he is my current hero. Not really. I just felt like I needed to type some more words to make this post worthwhile. In "the biz" we call that filler. Whoever "we" is. I suppose that is enough.

It Finally Happened

First off, I love to hear "we're the kids in America, whoa-oh" on a Totino's frozen pizza commercial with a kid that loves swimming and will only get out of the pool for 1. Pruned Toes 2. Totino's! Personally, I would choose to get out of the pool for water in my ears before Totino's, but that's just me. Perhaps you'd prefer air over these options, to each their own.
So what finally happened? I got a couch sitting injury. I don't know what I did exactly, but at some point after sitting on the sofa for a while my back and neck muscles hurt. The standard stiff neck feeling. The pain reaches from my hairline on my neck down to my left shoulder blade area. I cut my hair this morning, bringing my hair line up ever so slightly, which is too bad because that is ever so slightly more area for pain to occur in. Don't think about this last statement literally, it is an abstract thought.
I'm also baking hot dogs. Why not, right?
Decatur, AL. Pronounced deh-KATE-er. I prefer deck-ah-TOUR.
I fulfilled my recent craving for grocery store sushi today. I've only been thinking about it for 2 weeks now. It was about time. I liked it. Wasabi and pickled ginger are good things. I've moved on from BBQ fascination to Asian food fascination. I want to learn how to make lo mein and stuff, but you know what? That stuff seems to take a lot more ingredients and time than BBQ. Throwing pork on a grill or in an oven and then slathering it with sauce is just easy. Luckily there are stores and restaurants to quench my Asian food thirst. Here in this university town there aren't any BBQ spots. Sadly. There aren't any donut shops either. I long for Dunkin' Donuts, or some Entenmann's (http://entenmanns.bimbobakeriesusa.com/op-prod.cfm/prodId/7203000460) in the grocery store. I can't wait to get back to the East.
I think my hot dogs are finished baking. I have nothing further.