Cross Traffic Was My Enemy

About a month ago I was driving some friends home from a day of hiking and such. We hit a patch of nasty traffic. Now, there is something you must understand in order for this story to be of meaning, that is that Marley was dead, to begin with. I think I've used that literary joke before in a post. If you care to find it, if I did, I'll take you out to dinner. I got distracted. Sometimes I wonder if I get so easily distracted because I have a brain tumor. Then I stop wondering that because there aren't any brain tumor symptoms. I just have a creative and ridiculous imagination. What I really wanted you to know from the start is that there are only two reasons you'll ever see traffic in Vermont: snow and vehicle accidents. Snow causes people to drive slowly and can back up traffic. That is good; it is best to be safe. Traffic accidents also back up traffic. This is also good for safety sake, the safety of the emergency responders. It is bad because knuckleheads have to slow down and stare at the accident, thereby slowing traffic even more. Now that you have this background, I can tell you that when we hit that patch of traffic, it wasn't because of snow. You might think, 'but it was August, how could there have been snow?' My response to that would be (in the style of George Costanza) 'oh, it's possible, baby!'
As we sat in traffic with the AC up, the MIL (Malfunction Indicator Light) on my truck's dash illuminated. Those two stupid little words, "check engine," all lit up in orange. My previous vehicle was a 1998 Ford Ranger, my current vehicle is a 2001 Ford Ranger. The "check engine" light was on in my old truck for the last three years I had it running. So when the light came on in this truck, only a few weeks after buying it, I was frustrated. There weren't any immediate symptoms to indicate why the indicator light was indicating. You can quote me on that. I assumed it had something to do with sitting in the heat with the AC on. But since there was nothing else to clue me into an issue, I kept driving, business as usual, for about a week and a half after.
It got to a point where the was another symptom: a surging idle while stopped at red lights. It never seemed like the truck would stall, it was more of a power surge and then right back to normal. This went on for a week or two before I took it to a shop. I had asked my dad about it and we did nothing about it. There just wasn't enough to go on. Anyway, it was one week ago today, if this posts on Monday, I'm two minutes from Tuesday (how's that for a band name?) right now, so it might post on Tuesday. In the interest of total accuracy in my timeline giving, I will say that on September 20, 2010 I took my truck to get checked. This leads to a fun part of the story. A friend told me that I could take the truck to an auto parts store and they could plug in a computer and give me an idea of what kind of malfunction I was dealing with. I decided to do this. I went to the store he told me about and after waiting in line for a few minutes I asked my question. The store associate asked me what make and year of my vehicle, I should have told him "2001 Ford Ranger," but I think I said "'91 Ford Ranger." I don't know why I would have said that, but I think I did. Here's why. He told me that it was too old, his computer wouldn't be able to read it. Then another customer said it would only do '96 or later. But he might have said '06 or better. Whatever was said, I said I'd just take it to a shop, thanked them and left. As I walked out of the store I wondered if I had just told him my truck was a '91. The reason I thought I said that was because I thought he said '96 or later. At this point I was confused and too embarrassed to turn back and ask him what dates we had all just thrown around. I also really hoped that they wouldn't see me getting into my truck and wonder why I told them I drove a '91 when it was obviously a newer model. I took solace and put that worry to bed by convincing myself that even if they saw me and thought that I could always explain to them that I drive the 2001 but have a 1991 at home that needs to be checked and I was only on a fact finding mission, I never said I had the truck with me at the time. Did I mention I have a wildly creative imagination? It is always on.
Following my mishap at the auto parts store I went to a shop. They plugged the computer in and told me that the malfunction code was telling them that the first and second cylinders weren't getting enough fuel. I gave the guy the look my dog gives me when I ask him why he hasn't found gainful employment yet. He must have picked up on it because he told me that could mean a lot of things. His advice was that I get a bottle of fuel injector cleaner and run that through. Something as simple as that could fix the problem. It was extensive and invasive diagnostics or a $4 bottle of car tonic. I went with the $4 option. I went straight to the store, bought a bottle, then to the gas station and mixed the tonic with a fill up of gas. It takes a while for that stuff to do its job, especially when you aren't driving more than a few dozen miles a day. I drove a total of 170 miles since putting the tonic in the tank and was down to a quarter tank left when I filled up again today.
The problem had yet to subside when I filled up the tank again and set out on a trip 40+ miles up the road to spend time with some friends. It was a dark and stormy night when I left home. By which I mean mildly rainy and late afternoon. I don't have any trouble driving, it's just being stopped at lights and stuff that is the problem. So with the majority of the trip on the interstate, I expected to be OK. And I was. I made it all the way to my destination and was pulling into a parking spot before the truck stalled and I coasted to a stop. I said "come on!" Then put it in park, turned the lights and windshield wipers off and removed the key. I wasn't going to think about it right then. A while later some of us decided to hit up a restaurant for some ice cream or something. John and I decided to carpool, I offered to drive because I wanted to test my truck out before getting back on the highway to make the trip home. We made it to the second light before it stalled again. At first it started right up, but the second time it wouldn't start until I had the accelerator down the whole time. I made it back to where we started and we switched to John's car to meet up with our friends at the restaurant.
This place was in a mall, so there were windows by our table that could see out into the hallway. At one point the song "Just What I Needed" by The Cars was on the store radio. Chris and I played air guitar and air drums to the intro. It was great. Then there was a girl out in the hall that I saw through the window who looked like she walked out of a Madonna video circa 1983. I said, "That girl just walked out of this song." Which led to a conversation about what she was wearing. I said I liked it. Then Chris said she was a man, I think he was joking, because she was clearly not a man. I replied, "man or not, that is hot." I hadn't intended to create a little rhyme, but I inadvertently had. Some of my friends didn't think that was a great motto to go with, but I was pleased with it. It rhymed. I looked up the song when I got home because I couldn't remember the name of it. I knew enough of the lyrics to find it with Yahoo! I was wrong about my '80's fashion observation; this song in question is from 1978. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hwE0slNd3Y It is a great song, give it a listen. Then come straight back here and finish your blog reading or you'll have no dessert tonight.
Also, from the restaurant, I ordered sliders. I've never ordered sliders before because I think it is ridiculous to order such small burgers. When the plate arrived, Chris suggest that I put the slider inside of an onion ring, parodying what some people do by putting onion rings on their burger. I'll tell you, it worked. I put that slider into an onion ring and it was good.
After all of these festivities I made it back to my truck and began the trip home. There were three lights until the highway and then seven more from the highway to my house after I got to my town. Lights were the problem, so I was worried. The first one was rural so it was blinking red when I hit it, which means treat it like a stoplight, in case you are from an area that doesn't have lights blink after 10pm. No cross traffic was coming, so I rolled on through. The next light was green. The third one was red, and for a looooong time. I put it in neutral as I rolled up and kept revving the engine. This was one of the few lights in the state that are posted "No Turn on Red." Unfortunately. I made it through, however, and then it was highway all the way. I had no issues on the highway. After getting off at my exit I hit the first four lights at green. Divine providence was shining a guiding light before me on this rainy night. The fifth light was a blinking red and I was turning right, again, no cross traffic so I hesitated and rolled 'round the corner. Next was a blinking yellow, slow down and proceed with caution. The final light was a blinking red and I needed to turn left. I was back to a more rural area and there wasn't anyone coming head on, the cross traffic had blinking reds as well. Two cars were coming from my left, but they were further from the light so I treated the blinking red as a green and made my way right on through. All in all it was a stressful drive, not knowing whether or not I'd make it, but I did. Kind of anti-climactic, but I'm happy about it.