It Tastes Like Drinking a Broken Leg...or Homework

I am a fan of Sobe's LifeWater beverage. I think it is great because it tastes like watered down juice, or flavored up water. Either way, I find it a pleasing drink. Around campus they've been selling them for $2.68 or $2.19, which I wasn't happy about, but then one day I noticed them in the vending machine for $1.50, I can get down to that. My favorite flavor is pomegranate cherry. My least favorite flavor is the zero-calorie line. I don't know if anything could possibly taste worse than the zero-calorie LifeWater. I've had a "thing" against any zero-calorie drink for as long as I can remember, probably from the first taste I ever had of something diet. It is horrible. Do you know what makes it zero-calorie? Sugar is what they are removing, you know, the stuff that makes it taste good. They need a replacement for sugar, a no calorie replacement, so they found these chemicals that "taste" like sugar, the shape of the molecules, or something, makes the chemical trick your taste buds into sending the "sweet" signal to your brain. Your brain fires off the sweet response and you are happy. Maybe you are, but not me. Either my tongue or my brain is different because I don't get any sort of enjoyment out of these non-sugar sweetners. Anyway, the rest of the story is that the fake sugar molecules go into your digestive system but aren't absorbed by your body because of their chemical make-up. The process leaves you with a sweet taste (it is supposed to anyway) and then no caloric absorption. Just what everyone wants, pleasure without consequences (I could rant on that subject for a bit, but I won't...yet). I guess it would be nice if my tongue wouldn't be so honest with my brain and just let it think that it was sugar. I wouldn't have this terrible taste in my mouth. It's like mustard and apple juice strained through a wet-nap. By now you are probably wondering why I would take the time to complain about something that I have so much control over. If I hate this drink so much, why did I drink it? Is all of this from one accidental tasting? One day, I did accidentally buy a bottle of the zero-cal. That was before they had them in the vending machines, so I paid $2.68 for it. I took a drink and at first didn't notice, but then the taste hit me. I looked at the bottle for an explanation, asking what did I do to deserve such a horrible taste. This is when I realized it was the diet version. I was horrified. I didn't want to waste the money though, so I drank it. I've been careful ever since then not to fall into this trap again. Earlier today I was at the grocery store and noticed they have LifeWater for $1.00 each. I couldn't pass this deal up, so I bought a couple bottles. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I made the zero-cal mistake again. Even though this time I only spent $1.00, I still feel obligated to drink it, so to appease my discontent, I have written this post. Somehow that settles the balance of the universe for me. Now I will finish drinking this horrid mess. Cheers!